Leaving Me Behind
by that1indiangirl
Summary: Gale's PoV: You volunteered for your sister, Catnip, and broke my heart in the process.
1. The Reaping

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I am only a humble fan. ***All bow down in praise of the Hunger Games universe!***_

_Author's Note: This is my very first fanfic! Yay me for finally getting these thoughts onto paper / Internet! The song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts gave me the idea for this story._

* * *

_**My Wish - Rascal Flatts**_

_I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow_

_And each road leads you where you want to go_

_And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose_

_I hope you choose the one that means the most to you_

_And if one door opens to another door closed_

_I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window_

_If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile_

_But more than anything, more than anything_

_My wish for you_

_Is that this life becomes all that you want it to_

_Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small_

_You never need to carry more than you can hold_

_And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to_

_I hope you know somebody loves you_

_And wants the same things too_

_Yeah, this is my wish_

_I hope you never look back but you never forget_

_All the ones who love you and the place you left_

_I hope you always forgive and you never regret_

_And you help somebody every chance you get_

_And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to_

_I hope you know somebody loves you_

_And wants the same things too_

_Yeah, this is my wish_

_(My wish for you)_

* * *

**Gale's POV:**

Her name was called, and immediately, I felt my lungs take in a breath of air. Silence reigned throughout the dingy square that we stood in - unmoving, like the dead bodies that the Capitol harvests.

Waves of anger rolled off me. I'm sure the other eighteen-year-olds were glancing at me with fear when they saw the hatred in my eyes.

But then I looked up at her, walking towards the stage. Prim... named for the beautiful roses that grow in the Meadow. She was a sweet, caring girl who never hesitated to lend a hand, to help someone in need. She was so much at odds with the hunting that her sister and I do regularly; she had saved her cat from drowning, nursed her goat back to health... But in the present, she was walking towards her own death. Her pretty ruffled shirt was untucked at the back, and I could clearly see her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

But then you ran after her, Catnip. You screamed her name and pulled her away from the stage. And then you said the words that broke my heart, Catnip... you said, "I volunteer as a tribute."

* * *

When I said goodbye to you, Catnip, you seemed so empty, so lost, so alone... I felt hollow, knowing that this could be the last time I keep you safe in my arms... I couldn't see any desperation in your eyes, Catnip... and I wondered why. Going off to a competition, a bloodbath like that - it's unusual for you not to feel any emotion. You're usually so passionate, so alive! That's what I admire about you.

I know you'll make it through this. I'll continue to work in the mines as though nothing is wrong. I'll hunt every Sunday and provide your mother with fresh meat; I won't let her and Prim starve. I promised to protect your family, Catnip, and I will. You know I don't readily break my promises. I'm going to stay here, waiting for you to come back. You have to come back, for my sake! For Prim. For your mother. For the hunting that awaits us when you return.

_How different can it be: killing humans as compared to killing animals? _You might consider me cold-blooded, but that was my honest opinion, Catnip. All you need to survive is a bow; with that one tool, you can take down President Snow himself! I believe in you.

You'll never know what I wanted you to remember. The Peacekeepers separated us too early... I just needed to say that... _Catnip, I'm in love with you._ And I've loved you since the moment I met you. That skinny gamine I saw, trying to fiddle with a trap, too shy to whisper her name has now blossomed into a stubborn, protective, beautiful girl.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't planning to propose to you. You said it yourself: that you trust me, and I'm the only person you can be yourself with. Together, we could be so strong. You're the ideal girl for me, but you see me as only a friend right now. But we're both made of the same mold: same passion, fire, attitude... And we're both teenagers from the Seam, the poorest part of the poorest district of Panem - in short, we don't have a bright future, but at least we'll be together.

When you come back, Catnip, you'll be rich. You'll be the winner of the 74th Hunger Games - only the second victor from District 12, apart from that old drunkard Haymitch. You'll have to live in the Victor's Village, with Haymitch as your only neighbor (pity). Will you remember me then, Catnip? Will you remember the boy who taught you how to hunt?

And, Catnip, when you go out there into that hell, may the odds be ever in your favor!

* * *

_Author's Note: Well? How was it? Please comment and let me know! I would really, really, really appreciate it. Leave a review if you don't want Gale to have a broken heart! I mean, come on. It's Gale. Roaaar._


	2. Your First Kiss Was Meant For Me

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I am only a humble fan. ***All bow down in praise of the Hunger Games universe!***_

_Author's Note: It's been a long while. I blame the IB program and the SAT exams. And the holiday season. And my awful habits of procrastination and blaming other stuff. And... nah, just myself. Thanks to CeCe3o3 and Heslen for reviewing! And CeCe3o3 inspired me to continue writing Gale's version of events. Heslen, I'm sorry, I'm going to try to make him not brokenhearted (that sounds odd :P), but no promises. :)  
_

*after Katniss finds Peeta in the Games and their romance begins*

* * *

We've always watched each other's backs. We've always been there for each other.

Do you remember the day we found that strawberry patch? You were so happy that you had found it, and I was so happy to see the smile in your eyes. The red fruit tastes so much sweeter every time I eat it because I remember your unbridled joy that day.

Do you remember the day you had twisted your knee? You had fallen out of that tree, and were so determined not to cry... You were biting your lip and tears glistened in your luminous eyes, but you refused to let them spill. I had to carry you home in my arms that day.

Do you remember our spot in the woods? The space between those two rocks where we sat before we had to go for the Reaping? What a lovely view we had, over the valley... Hidden behind the blackberry bushes where we spent so much time together. The only place you would smile, when you were alone with me... Does all of this have no meaning to you?

And yet, there you were. Sitting alone in that tree, content with yourself, you were on every screen in Panem. I could see your face, the same expressions I knew so well told me that you were lost in thought. I know what you were thinking. Rue... your best friend. I know she reminded you of Prim, Catnip, don't deny it. I know you too well for that. How horribly she died! God, Catnip, I'm sorry you had to go through that. If I had the chance, I would take your place. You wouldn't even have to ask.

This was the first time (and it probably won't be the last) that you've killed someone. He deserved it, Katniss - he wanted you dead! It was good that you killed him before he got to you... Why does his death matter to you? You shouldn't have to care about him! In the time that I've known you (nigh on four years now), you've killed countless animals. He was just another competitor, Catnip. How different can it be, really?

* * *

Then you went to HIM, Katniss! You screamed out his name when you knew you could both go back home together! You forgot me in that instant, Katniss. Did you think about what I would have done? Did you spare me a thought? No, you had to go and act recklessly.

Sure, he did all that stuff to protect you, Catnip, but which of your fellow district partners wouldn't have? If he didn't try to help you and came back to District 12, I would have murdered him... You don't know the effect that you have on us all, Catnip. You're powerful and popular; you attract the limelight, though you don't care for it. You showed us all that smile, Catnip, telling us all that you care for him...

When searching for him, you reminded me of your hunt for prey. The cameras focused on your face, showing your gritty determination to find him. I could see you biting your lip as you tried to recreate the movements of an injured boy. Tracking him, you seemed more alive than ever! Catnip, you looked like you were close to finding a great treasure, yet apprehensive, because you didn't know what you would find.

And it was then that I came close to dropping everything and just heading for the Capitol to be with you. You reminded me so much of what we had together, before you left! I miss you like hell, Catnip, and that isn't going to change.

* * *

You kissed him. You never kissed me, Catnip. A kiss can turn into so much more - trust me, Catnip, I know.

I feel so betrayed now... like I had actually saved myself for your touch. I was waiting for the time that you would be here with me! And you've gone to save Peeta. _Rescuing Peeta_. Because he's obviously not enough of a man to deal with the pain and move on. Before Claudius's announcement, Catnip, he had broken your heart... but you still went back to save him.

You took care of him like you would care for a child. It was painful to me! I don't think you've ever treated me with the same affection. Why? What did I do wrong?

I have no hope left, Catnip. My heart is hollow, just as it was at the Reaping and every moment since.

But every heartbeat echoes your name. I'm still in love with you, Catnip.

And don't you forget it.

* * *

_Please review! I would really appreciate it. I'll make you chocolate mousse! (And my French teacher can vouch that I make a marvelous mousse.) Whoa... can you imagine Gale (or Finnick, he's my personal fave 'cause he's a swimmer) eating chocolate mousse? Yummm._

_Anyways, the point of this was to ask you to review! So please do. :D_


	3. Whipped

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I am only a humble fan. ***All bow down in praise of the Hunger Games universe!***_

_Author's Note: And because I feel so guilty that I haven't posted in ten days, here's another chapter! :D_

*after Gale's been whipped, in Catching Fire*

* * *

**Gale's POV:**

Catnip, you didn't have to protect me. I could have survived on my own. I've been doing it for so long now. You're so used to taking care of those around you, I know... your mother, Prim, Rue...

...Peeta...

* * *

Darius tried to save me, you know. He stepped in and tried to wrest the whip from Thread's hand... And Thread knocked him out cold. That could have happened to you, Catnip. Why did you try doing such a thing? Why did you intervene? You only got hurt yourself! I can take the whip from one head peacekeeper. Thread's not worth it, Catnip. He was sent straight by Snow for this purpose. Snow just wants to hurt you, to crawl under your skin, and keep irritating you until you give in and obey his demands. You're not just a Victor, Catnip... you're so much more.

* * *

My back hurts! I feel like a lamb sent to slaughter, in a world of excruciating pain. The cuts are flaming my skin, but I feel the icy snow as well. Stripes of blood crisscross my back... I don't know how I can still feel anything... I should be dead by now, Catnip... Why am I not dead? Why do I still have to live through this pain?

This physical pain hurts me as much as you did when you announced you and Peeta were engaged... When I saw you on Caesar's show together... When I viewed you while you were in the Games... Each time you kissed him... God, Katniss, it hurts me!

How could have I been so stupid so as to let Thread hurt me? All I wanted to do was to sell Cray that turkey... but in his place, I found this ruthless man.

* * *

I could hear your voice screaming something. You were yelling at your mother. Don't hurt her, Catnip - she only wants the best for you and your sister! She may not always tell you that she loves you, but she shows it to you in all those different ways. You look like your father, and she loved him so much; she still does. She's helping me because she knows how important I am to you... I am important to you, right?

* * *

My mother told me that she had a conversation with you before the Quarter Quell announcements. She told me you were planning to teach Rory how to hunt. He's my brother, Catnip, and therefore he's my responsibility! I don't need your pity! You have other things to do in life - photo shoots, tours, parties... I don't fit in your crowd anymore. I'm just a humble miner, who works six days a week to support his family... Why do you bother to stick around? You have it all. No burden rests on your shoulder anymore; ever since you survived that arena, you've been free to do what you want to.

When I was being whipped, Catnip, I could think of only two things: that I didn't want to leave my family so humiliated and alone... and you. Oh, Catnip, I don't want you to marry Peeta! I've waited for so long for you. Remember that first time we met in the woods? You seemed scared of even your own shadow! He didn't know you back then. He doesn't know you even today! You're only close because you endured that terrible experience, the Hunger Games, together! He's a coward, Catnip, but so hard to hate. He's a good person, but he won't be able to provide for you like I can. You can trust me to always be there for you. No matter what.

I told you that I loved you... and you said "I know." Do you really know, Catnip? Do you really know the full extent of my love for you? You take me for granted!

My mother told me that she had a conversation with you before the Quarter Quell announcements. She told me you were planning to teach Rory how to hunt. He's my brother, Catnip, and therefore he's my responsibility! You have other things to do in life - photo shoots, tours, parties... I don't fit in your crowd anymore. I'm just a humble miner, who works six days a week to support his family...

Why do you bother to stick around? You have it all. No burden rests on your shoulder anymore; ever since you survived that arena, you've been free to do what you want to.

* * *

But look at who you are now. You're holding my hand, unafraid of the consequences that may fall upon you should President Snow see us. You're still by my side, though I'm unconscious, though I'm unable to move... I can see the worry in your eyes. I can hear the pain in your voice. You know, before you got involved in all of this Hunger Games business, everyone in the Seam assumed we'd get married. Would you have wanted to be with me, Catnip, or would you have proved them wrong?

Is it true, Catnip? Do you have any romantic feelings for me? Just say the word, Catnip, and all of this nonsense can vanish. You have the power to do what you want to. When you took out the berries, you proved to them that you're not just a pawn. And you're not Peeta's plaything either: you don't need to obey him! He's not really your fiancé, right?

Keep holding my hand, Catnip. I need the support. I don't want to lose myself in all this hatred I find in my heart and in my head...

* * *

_Well? How was it? (The horizontal lines show the places where Gale drifts back into oblivion, so his thoughts are fairly unconnected and scattered. He's nearly unconscious, so I tried to write in that drifting style.) _

_Please let me know if I should continue Gale's story. I have three more chapters planned (one from Catching Fire and two more from Mockingjay), but I need your reviews!_

_Who wants to hold Gale's hand, to comfort him, to get the chance to be next to him, to admire his facial features when he's unconscious? Meeeeeee! :D_


	4. Why Him?

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I am only a humble fan. ***All bow down in praise of the Hunger Games universe!***_

_The song that had a large part in helping me write this chapter is On My Own, sang by Eponine (who I think is best portrayed by Samantha Barks) from my favorite musical of all time, Les Miserables! Three cheers for Victor Hugo! (I think this song is amazing, but for Gale, obviously, it would be a "she" that he would sing about. And I don't think he would be this sappy. But yeah. :P)._

* * *

**On My Own - Les Miserables**

_And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to_

_Without a home, without a friend, without a face to say hello to_

_And now the night is near_

_Now I can make believe he's here_

_Sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping_

_I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping_

_On my own, pretending he's beside me_

_All alone, I walk with him till morning_

_Without him, I feel his arms around me_

_And when I lose my way I close my eyes_

_And he has found me_

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver_

_All the lights are misty in the river_

_In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight_

_And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

_And I know it's only in my mind_

_That I'm talking to myself and not to him_

_And although I know that he is blind_

_Still I say, there's a way for us_

_I love him_

_But when the night is over, he is gone_

_The river's just a river_

_Without him, the world around me changes_

_The trees are bare and everywhere_

_The streets are full of strangers_

_I love him but every day I'm learning_

_All my life I've only been pretending_

_Without me, His world would go on turning_

_A world that's full of happiness that I have never known_

_I love him, I love him, I love him_

_But only on my own_

* * *

*after Peeta's interview with Caesar Flickerman*

**Gale's POV:**

I thought you would have told me.

Why did you keep it a secret?

What were you thinking?

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, KATNISS?

You must be joking.

Why him?

I'm off to buy a bottle of poison.

I hope you have a great life ahead of you, Katniss.

But I won't be part of it.

* * *

_Author's Note: Oh my God. I couldn't wait to write this. But then life interfered. Please don't hate me._

_I wanted this to be a whole lot longer, but I realized that when the girl you love announces her secret marriage and pregnancy, the only emotions you feel are those of rage and hatred and overwhelming despair. Basically, the five stages of loss. You can't think clearly; all that goes through your brain are the disjointed thoughts._

_And this author's note is much longer than the chapter itself. Sad, I know._

_Um, who wants Gale to serenade them? :) And I still want to know - do you guys think Gale should have a happy ending? Three more chapters coming up, I believe. One's already written, and will be posted in five, four, three, two, one... click the next button..._


	5. You Can't Come Home Anymore

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Suzanne Collins. I am only a humble fan. ***All bow down in praise of the Hunger Games universe!***_

_Thanks to Vera, CeCeo3, and Hayffie shipper 91 for their reviews!_

* * *

*in the last scene of Catching Fire*

**Gale's POV:**

I'm sorry it had to be me, but I thought that you would have accepted the news much better from me than from anyone else. Who did you really have in District 12, anyways? Sure, everyone supported you, loved you, admired you... but besides your family and mine, you never let anybody get too close to you. Even old Greasy Sae from the Hub - though we frequented her stall often, you never trusted her like you trusted me. If your mother had told you, I was afraid you'd react violently to her. I felt Prim was too afraid of your reaction had she told you, so I took the responsibility upon myself.

Besides, I know how you operate. I know what you think of yourself. I know how to inform you of something so painful that you will never be the same. I was there for you when Prim was selected at the Reaping, remember? And I'll always be there for you.

Our home went up in flames, Catnip. The burns on my face were not at all painful compared to the pain of losing my childhood home, to the pain of losing friends and family, to the pain of thinking I'd never see you again. While you were trying to escape the arena, I was trying to escape what was once our home. We both had no idea about what was happening. The only difference between our two situations was that I was not alone: I had my family and yours, but you were abandoned by the other Tributes. When you needed them most, they vanished. I will never forgive Peeta for that, Catnip; he should have been there by you when I wasn't.

If I hadn't gotten your mother and Prim out, I don't know what I would have done. I'm sure you would have hated me. I think you probably wouldn't have acknowledged my existence. But without you, Catnip, I literally feel that there's nothing left to live for. Now that District 12 is gone, and my family is no longer dependent on me for survival (I'm sure someone else in 13 will care for them), what else is there left to do? Hunting and being with you are my only passions, and hunting becomes meaningless if I don't have an amazing, trustworthy, beautiful partner to share it with. You're the only partner for me, Catnip - _and you can take that any way you want to_.

Looking into your eyes while you're on your awful hospital bed, I realize that I am so grateful to be here today. To have the chance to see you again. To brush away those strands of hair from your eyes. To hold your hand. To comfort you in these hours of misery. I've never been so happy to survive, to live on in this wretched world of ours. But that's just the way life works, Catnip. And I think we've both known that for a while now.

It seems like you've barely been home in the last year. You longed for District 12 so much during the Games, and I'm sure you missed the peaceful life there. But since the 74th Games, you've been distant. The Victory Tour, the Quarter Quell, the wedding announcements... They all kept you away from home. And it makes me feel nauseous to think that you never got to come home one last time. You never got to visit your old cottage where you lived before you became a Victor. You never got to stroll through the Hub before it was blown up. You never got to visit the town square where the Reaping happened and where I was whipped and... where Peeta's bakery was. You'll never get the chance to live there again, Catnip. That's what breaks my heart.

But it's too late. District 12 is gone, the Capitol has you on an execution list, and I'm still in love with the girl on fire. I've never kept a secret from you, Catnip, so here's the truth: when those firebombs rained down on us, sparking the sky with bright flashes, the only person I wanted to survive the massacre was you. Because I know you're strong enough to face all odds. Because I know that you'd keep the legacy of our district. Because I know you have the most to live for.

And because I know you'd avenge our deaths, no matter what.

Or would you?

* * *

_Author's Note: How was that? I would really appreciate reviews. I know you hate me for not posting for so long. But I gave my SAT again, and since then, school's been really busy._

_Any ideas on what the next chapters should be? I have one for the end of Mockingjay, but if you think that there are any other stories that should be told from Gale's perspective and why those scenes are important, please let me know._

_I also have a one-shot from Prim's point of view, which I plan to post soon. However, y'all can decide. Should I finish Gale's POV first, or should I post Prim's immediately? Again, I would love to hear your choice!_

_Please review! Gale will hold your hand whenever you feel sad. :D_


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